Pyramids Doubles & NEFA Auction, Saturday, November 20, 2010

[David Backstrom]

yeah I could probably scrounge up an auction item or two as well.

[Bobby Direnzo]

Hey, AM1 can beat a pro any given day. Just has to be an "on" day. Jeremy and I can surely take it down. See ya there.

and you can safely ride a unicorn by sitting on its head, it doesn't mean its gonna happen

[Mark Valis]

Please sign up Jon Gordon & Dave Backstrom for AM. One of us will stop by and pay. I also may have some auction items for you

Move up to Pro you guys are Pyramids specialists , let's go ! BLAH BLAH BLAH !

[Jon Gordon]

Please sign up Jon Gordon & Dave Backstrom for AM. One of us will stop by and pay. I also may have some auction items for you

Move up to Pro you guys are Pyramids specialists , let's go ! BLAH BLAH BLAH !

HAHAHA you wish cube.....someone has to give you and cuzz a run for your money Auction money that is

[Mark Valis]

so why don't we just both move?

[Bear Dunn]

stay in Am...Karl and I will be rockin' it there. Team Epic, mother f'er!

[Drew Austin]

Todd Lapham/Drew Austin Am1
Bethie Soule/Sara Alves pro women

We will pay day of, if that is cool

[Bobby Direnzo]

Todd Lapham/Drew Austin Am1
Bethie Soule/Sara Alves pro women

We will pay day of, if that is cool

See you boys in the AM1 div me and Matt are taking the funny money!!

[Jason Southwick]

Hey it's the classic, "You're a sandbagger."

"No I'm not, and you're a hypocrite."

"Oh yeah, well you're a [bleep]."

"Excuse me, but my partner and I are big huge [bleep]."

"I wanna be a [bleep]."

"Me too, can I be a big [bleep], too?"

"Look at me I'm an even bigger [bleep]."

"I'm Mega [bleep]."

"Oh yeah, I'm Ultra Mega [bleep]."

Everybody's so darn competitive about everything.

[Joe Yaskis]

Drew Austin and Todd Lapham Am?
Valis and Cuzz = wusses
Gordon and Backstrom = kitty kats
Team Epic, more like team weenie.

[Steve Solbo]

Drew Austin and Todd Lapham Am?
Valis and Cuzz = wusses
Gordon and Backstrom = kitty kats
Team Epic, more like team weenie.

I doubt Todd even knows Drew posted this.

[J_Disc]

JD partner = Matt Thomas -- donation division. I'll bring auction items on the 20th.

This event is great! See y'all soon.

[Steve Solbo]

I'd hold off adding Drew/Todd to the list.

Just spoke with him, he had no idea he was playing.

[Karl Molitoris]

Just letting everyone know that I'll have all the Buffumville Lake water-found discs with me. I'll post a revised list at the tournament in the morning so you can see if you, or a buddy of yours (which you'd be willing to get their disc for - if they're not at the tournament), disc(s) are on it.

$2 diving / storing / cataloging fee per disc (if not picked up, they'll be donated to a school, camp, Boy Scouts, etc. by March of 2011).

Come see me (obviously at my car where the discs will be) during the lunch break.

Karl

[Mark Valis]

Todd Lapham/Drew Austin Am1
Bethie Soule/Sara Alves pro women

We will pay day of, if that is cool

See you boys in the AM1 div me and Matt are taking the funny money!!

The only thing that is funny is that statement!

[Bobby Direnzo]

Todd Lapham/Drew Austin Am1
Bethie Soule/Sara Alves pro women

We will pay day of, if that is cool

See you boys in the AM1 div me and Matt are taking the funny money!!

The only thing that is funny is that statement!

Matt and I u H-MO! There you happy?

[Mark Valis]

I meant funny as thinking you guys are going to win , I totally missed your short comings when it comes to English.

[Bobby Direnzo]

We will see won't we! Lol

[Greg Aucoin]

I'm looking for a PRO partner, as Jack can't make it.

[rickbel]

Greg,
I am looking for someone also. Are you interested? Rick Belhumeur

[Greg Aucoin]

Absolutely, Rick! Let's do it.

[Bobby Direnzo]

Oww boy!!! Tricky Ricky killed it today and was killing putts at pyramids. Good pick up there but your going down Tricky Ricky.

[Jason Southwick]

34 out of 54 team spots taken. Many auction lots collected and pledged already. Please tell your friends to attend this event. Straight-up, factual post. Call your friends, tell them to come. Everyone's invited, everyone's welcome. And I don't mean ALMOST everyone.

And now (in a Monty Python voice) for some gratuitous sexual innuENdo.

BTW, thinking about calling people who should attend this event, what's up with Phil Vilmorin?

What's up with Phil Vilmorin? Heard he was going through some deep therapy to cure the compulsion to touch himself, and it worked perfectly. But then Phil started touching random women at random moments at random, sometimes public places, like they were his love, with back of the finger caresses on the cheek, friendly hand-full of back of the head hair grabs, spontaneous neck rubs, and good ol' boy punches flat to the upper arm that don't hurt and aren't meant to hurt.

Which is all well and good and funny if he knew these woman at all, but he usually didn't. It's amazing how often he got away unscathed, usually with his friends intervening with excuses of maybe brain tumor or we don't know it's not exactly the Phil we're used to.

Once a guy got pissed at Taco Bell one night when Phil walked up to his girlfriend from behind, grabbed her wrist and bent her arm back behind her so her slender and delicate yet sinewy and strong forearm pressed against the small of her back, as Phil applied a thumb into the muscle behind her shoulder blade, saying, "There. We store so much tension right THERE," And, by now for us no longer amazing cause it's just a freakin' fact that Phil can get laid anytime he wants within four minutes, the chick's into it, not struggling, groaning with painful pleasure.

Phil could get laid between bus stops, just one stop. Phil could get laid at Fenway Park between innings. Phil could get laid three times by three different women between the last round and the end of awards at a lot of NEFA tournaments.

Anyway, back at Taco Bell with the deep tissue massage. The chick's boyfriend, who's obviously been lifting, who's neck is as thick as your neck after he beats you up and you're in the hospital and have one of those neck-braces on. That thick. He's got a problem with Phil's deep tissue massage on his girlfriend who's now pushing her back against Phil's thumb with her eyes closed.

Phil raises his arms as if in surrender, and the chick begins to fall backwards so he grabs her and rights her up till she's back out of the moment with her eyes open and kind of wondering what happened and Phil raises his arms back up in complete surrender and apology.

The chick's boyfriend with the steroid look is fuming albeit still a little confused as Phil, with full attention on thick-neck fuming man, sidles up to him, all apologies and posture of please please just don't kill me with the sheepish smile and actually has the audacity to put his arm over his back and onto his shoulder.

And the thick-neck guy relaxes for a moment, realizing Phil's just some nut who he won't have to beat up just ask him "politely" but of course firmly not to touch his girlfriend and Phil reaches his arm from the guys shoulder and rakes his fingers up the dood's face and perfectly hooks neck-man's nostrils with the index and third finger.

And Phil arches the guy back over his knee, hooks legs with the dood to the point of hogtying the limbs without rope, the whole time Phil's still got the guy's neck bent back with his fingers a little deeper now. And Phil says to the guy, who can barely crane his thick neck to listen. "As usual, I have overreacted. I completely understand your position and I only hope you can forgive me my foibles and I can let you go. I apologize profusely."

And we witnesses take a breath thinking we won't have to see what some legal elitists might argue could be murder while we know it's just Phil being Phil. Plus the guy's a dick.

All the timing is for the show to move on, for Phil to let the guy up, by the nostrils, like a yoga pose about to end because the cadence of the instructor has nowhere to go but "release."

And just as it really seems like Phil is going to let the guy up from his defenseless entaglement -- Phil's fingers are STILL in the guy's nose -- Phil says to him, almost as an afterthought, summoning the spirit of Columbo. "One more thing I forgot..."

By this point Phil's got the guy not just beat but scared, and has his full attention. Phil begins, "You should know I got a really bad temper. If I let you up and you attack me, I promise you I'll kill you quickly."

As Phil's bodyguards, we've witnessed this very scene in various versions. Phil was very upfront about fighting. He had four rules.

1) Never use your bodyguards for fighting. Body guards are there for male bonding and running errands and watching Phil win fights the way Gill wins fights.
2) Win the first second of the fight
3) Win the last second of the fight (preferably the FIRST second of the fight)
4) Run away if you have to

An extra rule he sometimes adhered to was, "Make sure if you let him up he's done fighting." During our "Phil Bodyguard Training," Phil outlined several -- some of them psychological -- strategies for negotiating "meaningful" surrender.

This day he's got the hapless "lift heavy weights a few times" steroid guy like he's cradling a baby in a Vulcan Death Grip.

And it once again seems like all the rhythm of the moment is leaning toward Phil finally letting neck-roid dood up and maybe at 'em you can never tell with these steroid doods, and Phil pulls him back one more time like a male dancer bringing his female partner backwards toward the brink, except now Phil's fingers are digging a little deeper into the dood's nostrils, and Phil let's up for the moment a little bit with the nostril digging as if we had a far away deep thought, and suddenly leans closer to the dood, and says thoughtfully:

"It's not quite right what I said...about killing you quickly. While the mortal wound is administered in an instant; it'll take your injuries days, maybe weeks to kill you."

And Phil lets the guy up suddenly, lifting his nostrils upward and removing his fingers with one flourish of a motion, leaving neck-man, the foil of the evening, perplexed and blinking and far removed from attack mode.

To the casual reader at this point it would seem logical for the story to come to an end or at least an end to Phil's insanity. It didn't wind up like that at all. Inspired, twisted, and deeply enmeshed in so many layers of irony as to fear neither pain nor death, we set out on our own little instant intimacy love-groping crusade.

To slant the facts, before delivering them, not all of us were beaten up and arrested within the first month. There were four of us Phil Vimorin bodyguards, and only three of us were beaten up AND arrested during that first month of self-declared Phildom. One of us -- me -- was only beaten up. We later conjectured it was because I got beat up by cops who were satisfied with one out of two.

Phil called us into his office. The tension was 50-grit sandpaper on partially dessicated gelatin. "You guys don't know the first thing about anything that even begins with an inkling," he begins.

Our heads are down but our eyes are up, in deference to the Phil educational beat down heading our way.

"You can't just go out into the big bad world and be Phil Vilmorin," Phil begins, somehow circling the blackboard he's pacing in front of. "I'd tell you the truth but I don't think you could HANDLE the truth so I've whipped together these handy Phil Vilmorin's Life headsets that will allow each of you to experience my entire life in five minutes (or ten minutes with enhanced video)."

So we do it. We put on the caps and push the okay button by our temples after signing the Phil Vil / Lucy Fir Waiver.

Phil's life passes before our eyes. When it's over, three of us want to know the same thing: "Can we rewind to just the spanking?"

Not Sally, the one woman in our quartet of loyal Phil Vil bodyguards. Sally, our buxom Muslim African lesbian bundle of affirmation nation says, "Scrw the replay, just spank me now."

[Joe Yaskis]

That was way too long to read bro-

[Joseph Mason Proud, III]

Thank you Jason

[Billy MacWilliams]

I'll wait for the movie to come out.

[Drew Smith]

I saw Phil this weekend. I STILL hurt ...

[Charlie Holmgren]

Wow...

I wanted to stop reading but I couldn't. Too good.
Thank you Jason indeed.

[Billy Dunne]

Ooooo can I play?

Looking for a pro partner.

[Jason Southwick]

In perhaps more relevant news, a package from Stephen Ditter arrived with full-sized reusable scorecards on one side and, on the other, photographs from NEFA history. And he included a $50 check as a straight up auction donation. Thank you Ditterman.

Mike Saimond was here last Thursday and dropped off a veritable laundry basket full of new, cool discs of varying pedigree, frisbee t-shirts, and fancy big bottle beer.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program, As the Phil Turns............